Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Small penises have feelings too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
