If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i've created a new STD.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
