As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
