Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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