I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
