i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize