the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
