tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
