i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
