Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
