time to smoke my breakfast
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
