he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
