I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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