I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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