3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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