I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
