grandma shit on top of the toilet
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
