I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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