It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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