he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am naked and annoyed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
