Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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