Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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