I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize