I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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