Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
