you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
