Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize