The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
