You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
