I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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