This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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