We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
