I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
