k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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