ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
