i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Couch. On fire.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
