Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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