She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
