she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
