My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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