Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a search helicopter?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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