I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are a genius and a whore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
