I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
