I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
