woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
