didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
