Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
