smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
