Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
