I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
