I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
