im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
