and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
