Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
