butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I faked an abortion last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
