I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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