all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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