I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
