chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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