If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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