How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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