How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
