You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
