You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
