Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
