stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
