Ambien. No doubt about it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
