My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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