dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize