There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize