Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
