we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
