I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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