Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You can't just leave with hair like that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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