I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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