I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
