whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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