New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
