new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This house was built for laser tag.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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