I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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