the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
