Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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