There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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