I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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