Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
