I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
