oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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