Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
vagina is talking i cant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
how drunk are you?
Several
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
