i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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