Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
