You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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