My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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