I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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