Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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