It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
