tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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