Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
