No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
