Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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